If we are indeed

living in an Idiocracy, which seems more and more likely the case every day, then the house band of this Fucktopia would be the Hollywood Vampires. The HVs are Johnny Depp’s rock band project. Like a few Hollywood actors (Russel Crowe is one of them) they are not content to languish in the tinsel town world that is their natural habitat. They all want to be Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. Outlaw, hard livin’ hard drinkin’ and druggin’ rock legends. Acting is for faggots, rock and roll is where it’s at, man. Since these dudes have almost unlimited cash to make their every wish come true, they simply purchase such an identity, and people lap it up. No slogging away in smelly pubs on a Tuesday night for years on end, with three people in the audience for them. They can afford to catapult themselves to rock legend status in the blink of an eye. To say that it’s inauthentic would be an understatement.

Russell Crowe and his band – are ye not entertained?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really trying to knock what they’re doing. If people pay money to see this, (and they do) who am I to judge? I’m not against Johnny Depp either. He seems like a nice bloke, albeit poor in his love interest choices. He’s an actor, for cryin’ out loud. The band is just another acting gig, with paid authentic members such as Alice Cooper and what looks to be some of Aerosmith. I honestly don’t really know the line-up. I don’t give a fuck, really. Jeff Beck too, was a member until he passed away recently. The point is that Johnny has the cash to finance this. I don’t think would happen organically. What I find amusing is that the band on stage looks like a bunch of middle aged men just went out and bought every single item of clothing from the “Hot Topic” store. It looks comical to me. It’s Halloween all the time with those cats. How many chains and scarves does one need to be wearing to play guitar?

I just watched a video on youtube which I’ll post below. It’s a show from May 2019, and it’s the “official video” for a song called the Boogieman Surprise. To say it’s lame is not doing it justice, but it’s not supposed to be anything other than a replication of something approaching a rock show. Maybe this is where Rock and Roll went to die? I don’t know, but there is a distinct absence of something. (authenticity? soul?) While everyone on stage is kitted out in the standard hard rocker uniform of scarves, crucifixes and keychains, (what’s with the keychains, do they all have dozens of houses and fleets of cars?….YES!) It’s a costume dress-up party, but everyone wears the same thing.

Hot Topic literally has no inventory left

Depp seems to have gone one step further. If you told me he had raided the Pirates of the Caribbean wardrobe department, I’d believe you. In this video he’s right off on the left hand side of the stage, flailing away, pulling all the right poses, but he doesn’t look like he’s enjoying himself much. He doesn’t even look like he’s a bona fide band member. It’s like someone invited their kid brother along, and although he looks the part, they’ve turned his guitar down, so he doesn’t fuck up anything the professionals are doing. The poor rich guy looks uncomfortable and out of place. Try as I might, I couldn’t perceive any distinct sounds at all, which may have been coming from his axe. Interestingly, a lot of the audience seem to be teenage girls. What’s not to like about playing in this band, especially if you’re a jaded middle aged rocker?

I don’t want to be an asshole about it, it’s just what I’m seeing, and not hearing. I could easily be wrong. It’s just a show anyway. It’s a product. In my opinion Alice Cooper’s teeth are way too white and artificial looking though. Take a look for yourself.

Happy Friday.