consisted of smoked kippers on toast, red cabbage sauerkraut, a boiled egg and coffee. By the time I’d taken that picture, I’d eaten half of it. I’ve decided to eat healthier, not that I was eating unhealthily in the first place. Instead of toast, tea and marmalade, some days I opt for a somewhat Eastern European breakfast. I think it is anyway. Eastern Europeans may disagree. The smoked kippers are from Latvia which borders on Russia, so that’s pretty damn eastern European right there. Of course the only reason I’m talking about this is because I have nothing to say about what’s going on in the world.
Latvia, land of the smoked kipper
The biggest news for me is that Keith Urbane has split up with his wife Nicole Kidman. He seems to have taken a shine to some 25 year old chick who plays in his band. The press are calling her a “utility player”, a term I’ve never heard before. I think some asshole made it up. I fact the internet says, “In fantasy baseball and basketball, a utility player is “a player (specifically a batter in baseball) who accumulates statistics without being assigned to a particular position.” Midwits write these fucking showbiz stories, obviously.
I don’t care one way or the other. As far as I’m concerned after looking at this girl and listening to her, I wouldn’t. Keith has different tastes to me though. She’s, shall we say, bottom heavy. Those thighs look like they could hold you in a vice grip. I for one, would also not have covered myself with such horrible tattoos, but then I have better things to do with my money. Keith’s tatts are distinctly of a certain time period. I’m thinking mid 90s and they have aged like milk. The tribal thing was never really good any good in my opinion, and looks even worse now. Those prongs on his neck? C’mon man. I should post a Keith song today to get everyone ready for the vastly better performance by me tomorrow.
Mary must be thrilled
But there are other pressing issues beside Keith Urban’s naff tattoos and his love life. I worked for a while at this stupid job at the Caption Center in Sydney with one of Nicole Kidman’s cousins. This girl was a miserable cunt, for the record.
Let’s talk about someone else. The late, great Jane Goodall’s favorite animal is a dog, not a chimp, because “chimpanzees are like people and some chimpanzees are not nice at all.” Ok Jane, whatever… Chimps will rip your fucking face of without a care in the world, that’s all I know about chimpanzees.
A chimp didn’t make my coffee, I made my coffee.
Chimps run entire countries anyway now. Look at the Commonwealth countries and what they do. They probably have chimp utility players too. Forget about it. I’m going to look up a Keith Urban song that I can stand to listen to for more than 30 seconds. Wish me luck.
Would not
I have no idea what they’re going for here. This is a live version of the song, yet the visuals are completely goofy and not in synch with anything he is doing. It’s a sloppy job in my opinion. Could they not afford to film the thing properly? It’s really annoying to watch. The chroma screen effect cuts off his leg more than once.
It’s embarrasingly bad. The song itself is your standard NashVegas fare. There’s nothing new or original. Keith gets to play a couple of stock standard “soaring” guitar solos, the last of which, self indulgently goes on for too long. …big deal. It’s commercial slop, and it’s a miserable song to boot. He should do a duet with big bottom. We’d all watch that I’m sure.
Good Day