Julian Assange could be back home on Planet Australia very soon. The news came yesterday that the US government, (whoever they are at the moment) have offered him a plea deal which will finally put this ridiculous charade to rest. I know Jules is probably a national hero down under, but listening to NPR this morning, they don’t like him at all. First of all, and probably worst of all, he gave Hillary Clinton’s emails to Vladimir Putin which stopped her from rightfully beating Trump in the 2016 election. “Why did he go to the UK and not to Russia to live?”, pondered one super genius on the morning panel. Snowdon stole state secrets and that’s where he lives now, “no doubt having a very nice life.” This is at odds with the narrative that Russia is a hellhole, but maybe Snowdon is part of the elites now. He probably eats caviar from a golden plate with Putin, plotting to steal the 2024 election for Trump again while bombing everything in Ukraine into oblivion.
“I’m coming over shortly, because I am a portly”
Mike Pence doesn’t like Assange either. On X he said, “”Julian Assange endangered the lives of our troops in a time of war and should have been prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,” Pence wrote. For the record I don’t like Mike Pence much, but that’s beside the point. I’m not a fan of Julian, but I tend to agree with Pence a little. I find the whole Assange dog and pony show annoying actually. He supposedly represents freedom of the press. He’s a martyr for the cause, don’t ya know…
Have a care for the forgotten woman in all this
The only problem with it, is that he seems to be unable to control himself when it comes to standing up to the “tyrants”, that he is protecting us against. The first thing he did was run away “like in a game of tag” (thanks NPR), to the Ecuadorian embassy in London where he remained in self imposed imprisonment for 6 years. All the while in there he bludged about, like a guest who had long overstayed his welcome. This didn’t curb his sex life at all. He fathered two kids with his lawyer along the way. No word if he banged Pamela Anderson, but there must have been a lot of shagging going on in that place for sure.
Ooooh….wiki leaking!
Eventually the Ecuadorians had had enough and Jules was booted from there, and sent to an English prison where at some point it was reported that he was in very bad physical shape and “could die in jail”. The recent pictures of him boarding a jet to Saipan where he is to be freed by the US government after pleading guilty to a single felony, shows him to be slightly overweight, yet completely able to energetically bound up the plane stairway, much to the envy of Joe Biden. If you want to know more about the adventures of Julian Assange , you can probably visit Wikipedia the defacto world encyclopedia.
Wikipedia, like Wikileaks is a left wing propaganda arm for the communists and progressives who want to fundamentally change the world we live in. It’s digital diarrhea for the most part. History rewritten through the eyes of mediocre academics, philosophers, historians and individuals with mental illness. No doubt St Jules of the press will return home to an hero’s welcome. Somebody on NPR this morning asked the intelligent question, “Will he still be wiki-ing and doing all the things that he used to do before he was locked up?”
The missus and the kids will be happy to see him.
Who fucking knows? Who fucking cares? Not me. He’ll probably be shaggin’ day and night. He’s got a lot of catching up to do. He can wank out of prison for a change.
Big Julian and small Krudd arrive at the courthouse in Saipan
The people in search of the next cause célèbre have probably found someone new that they can latch onto by now. That’s the way of fashion. One day you’re hot and then you’re not.