got built. IT took a while but now I don’t have to mess with it anymore. The worst thing involved with it were the bugs that came flying out of nowhere. A mosquito bit me on the head and left a golf ball sized lump, which has now morphed into a swollen eye. I look like I’ve been in the ring with Cassius Clay. Whatever. I hate bugs and rodents. There was a chipmunk trapped inside the house somewhere yesterday. Like “immigrants” invading our spaces, these pests should stay out. The fish in the pond have failed to appear this year. I know they are there at the bottom of the pond, because there’s nowhere else for them to go. There have been ducks hanging around for a few weeks, so maybe they’re scared of them? Ducks I don’t mind, but if too many show up, I will mind. I just want to be left alone. Not attacked or bitten by these creatures. Do I go out and attack mosquitoes for no reason? Why the fuck do they attack me?
The Butterfly Ball it ain’t
It’s all garbage, but is it as bad as Jerry Seinfeld’s new movie, Unfrosted? I watched this thing on the weekend. It’s only just come out. It’s essentially a story about two cereal giants and their battle to invent the Pop Tart. I think that’s what it’s about, but the movie is so convoluted and forced that it’s hard to follow at all. The cast are all struggling with an unwieldy script that had three, or maybe four writers when one would have been better. The writer’s meetings must have been a riot, with everyone falling over each other explaining how funny the next sight gag, set up or set piece was going to be. The viewing of the rushes would have seen everyone cracking up in gales of laughter, it was all so clever and witty. “This movie is gonna be killer”, I can hear them saying. The only problem is that outside of the production screening room, it’s not funny at all.
I like Seinfeld. I recently started watching it again from the beginning. It’s still as funny as it ever was, mostly due to the cast. The character of George is really the catalyst for the jokes. It was a show about nothing, but it turned out that nothing was pretty funny. Unfrosted is about plenty of things. All of them, dull, labored and terminally lame. There isn’t one laugh in the entire movie, which must be a first. Seinfeld himself, plays a dull, uninteresting character, whose main obsession is having a perfect lawn. IRL he’s achieved a perfect yawn. There is so much wrong with this $14 million production, it’s hard to know where to start. Between wiseacre brats, and characters who are shoehorned into parts that they shouldn’t be, the whole thing stinks. If you’re going to depict Chef Boyardee in a movie, perhaps you should look at the product that’s on the shelves? There’s a picture of the guy. It may not be him exactly, but the least you could do is have someone in your movie who looks like the guy on the can. It’s not hard.
Jerry’s laid an egg with this one. I doubt he’ll direct another movie after this. It’s horrible. It’s as if Bobby Bittman from Second City was brought in as an adviser. It’s “Funny Stuff”, alright. “The Day the Clown Cried”, although it has never been released, could possibly have more laughs in it than Unfrosted. If you look at in the context of an episode of Seinfeld it starts to make sense. Jerry, George and Elaine are talked by Kramer and Newman into investing in this “too good to fail” movie project. “It’ll be as big as Barbie, it’s got a great cast and a fabulous script.” “Who’s the director?” they all ask. “Why me, of course!”, says Kramer. “I’m telling you Jerry, this is gonna be a blockbuster. “