a catalogue of weird things. Kind of…All the goldfish in my pond have vanished. There were hundreds of them and now they’re all gone. They normally hide on the bottom of the pond over winter. The pond freezes over, but when it thaws out they come back to the surface. This hasn’t happened this year. There is no trace of them, nothing. If there had been die off they would be floating on the surface, but there’s nothing. The most logical explanation at this point is that they were scooped up by an alien space craft. That’s how weird the whole thing is.
Yeserday I tried fixing the post hole digger that had fallen into the pond. I pulled it apart, tipped the water out and put it back together. Nothing. I don’t know what else to do. I have to constantly fix things. The bloody mower won’t cut the grass evenly any more because the dimwitted plow guy dug up so many rocks the winter before last, that they were scattered all over the drive when summer came. The mower hit one and it bent the fucking blade so badly that it wouldn’t rotate. I had to get a metal grinder and cut part of it off. Now the mower leaves a 2 inch row of grass in the middle of the cut, so I have to do it all again. It takes twice as long to mow the grass now. Thanks Jeff!
The flying space dildo
Speaking of Jeff. His gigantic dildo took off on the weekend. I think it had space tourists on board. I’m not riding in that thing. Jeff and his companion, Lauren want us to all consider eating less meat. Jeff Bezos’ Earth Fund is allocating $60 million to try to improve alternative meats. The goal is to make them taste better and reduce the cost of plant-based alternatives. Are new Florida residents, Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez eating this frankenmeat crap, I wonder? All this happened just before Gov. Ron DeSantis barred the sale of lab-grown meat in the Sunshine State.
DeSantis signed the legislation, called SB 1084, into effect on May 1, casting it as a bid to stop the World Economic Forum’s goal of forcing the world to eat lab-grown meat and insects, “an overlooked source of protein,” according to a news release. There could be problems here.
Jeff should stick to selling shit on Amazon to bored people who don’t need it. Speaking of food, (if you can call fake meat, food), last week Red Lobster started shutting down a lot of it’s restaurants. I’ve never wanted to go to Red Lobster, so I’m not particularly bothered by it. I don’t get the Lobster thing at all. It’s a lot of work and mess to eat one, and lobsters are quite intelligent creatures. I think it’s safe to say that they probably have higher iqs than most of the individuals eating them. Poor fucking lobsters. Leave them alone.
Applebee’s isn’t doing too good either. It has announced plans to close over 30 locations across the states in the coming year. Last year they closed 46 locations in 2023 due to significant underperformance. What’s left? I guess it’s the Outback Steakhouse or nothing mate.
From last Thursday – This Ship is Sailin’ Soon