Found in a discount store where remaindered stuff ends up
through my local haunted Ocean State store on the weekend, I came across some coffee which was labeled Punk Bunny Coffee. The packaging has a very demented looking rabbit on the front. Upon closer inspection I could see the words “Green Day” printed underneath the rabbit drawing. The blends had some weird names too like “last ride in” and “father of all dark roasts”. Could this be the product of the super obnoxious and annoying, untalented record company weasel, fake punk band Green Day, I wondered?
Welcome to Cringe Central fellow punks! The dude on the end is over selling it I think.
Yes, it turned out to be true. I had turned to the internet for clarification and the first thing I found was a positively glowing review…sounded like the band had written it themselves.
“Subtle fruitiness”…what an apt description of the band itself. It was then I found the Punk Bunny Coffee website. There as you can see above, are the “punks” and their fakakta coffee. Green Day seem to excel at taking things to a new level of cringe, they’ve certainly broken through some kind of fake and gay glass ceiling with this one.
Oh, this coffee just screams rebellion against the establishment doesn’t it my fellow punks? Even better, they seem to have partnered with Keurig to sell this slop inside of the environment destroying one-shot disposable plastic cups. Green Day are the very definition of disposable so that’s rather fitting. We can’t have a useful plastic bag at the supermarket but the landfill is awash with these fucking Keurig things because people are too stupid and/or lazy to make a proper cup of coffee.
Green Day Redditors are all over this crap. “Hi, Green Day Fans. I need some opinions on their Punk Bunny Coffee. I am used to drinking iced french vanilla, and heard that this drink can be enjoyed hot and iced. Can anyone give me recommendations on this drink? Fyi- the photo is just a example of how it looks, I expect responses with different flavors. Examples: Father of All… Dark Roasts (FOADR) Last Ride In (LRI) Light Club (LC) Soundcheck (S)143”
Some responses.. “I had the light club, was pretty good but if it wasn’t for the branding it wouldn’t be anything special. I hate seeing gods favorite band fully succumb to capitalism by selling coffee in 7/11 but I’m glad they’re branching out and getting relevance outside their music careers. Just like the coffee, it’s bittersweet.”
God’s favorite band?” “Getting relevance?” What the actual fuck? I though Green Day fans were stupid, but how does one get relevance as a “punk band” selling fucking shitty coffee in a Keurig cup?
Nice hat, cunt.
I also have to ask, what does being a Green Day fan even have to do with the taste of coffee?
“Well… it tastes like ass”. Billy Joe Armstrong would know probably. From the Penn Live Patriot News “Turns out, Armstrong, 51, first came out as bisexual in 1995, but per PEOPLE, he has been married to his wife, Adrienne for 29 years, and they have two sons, Joey and Jakob. That apparently had folks questioning whether or not Armstrong was truly bisexual or just an LGBTQ ally.”
Every sane person knows that calling yourself bisexual means you’re gay or you’re larping as gay. If you suck cocks and take up up the ass, you’re gay dude, and there’s no doubt about it.
Oh, this is just too easy today. Later on my band is coming over to run through some tunes. I’ll be videoing and recording the whole thing as usual so maybe there will be some highlights to share during the week.
Good Day
Here’s one for Bisexual Billy Joe. It’s PriDEMONth atfer all.